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| not taken from the night of, but i thought it was appropriate |
I do not mean breakdown as in ‘step by step’, nope, I mean crying in a hallway screaming WTF I’m so freakin done.
But of course I’m not “done”, i just had a moment lol. So it’s been a while since I’ve written a blog post but that’s cause finals are tomorrow and all this week. Basically what happened tonight was a accumulation of all the stresses of the past week and the upcoming week. Not only do I have finals this week but Bruce’s mom is coming the day after school is over then a few days before she leaves my mom is coming with my grandma for a week. The house is a mess and I have so much homework due all at the same time for my last week. Grrrr.
So tonight I went to workout and I burned 180 calories. I was so mad. I usually do at LEAST 250. And it wasn’t so much that I only burned 180 that made me mad, it was the fact that i tried my ass off to burn it. It hurt so much worse than any other day and to only get 180 calories burned was so disappointing. I was so mad and almost stormed out of the gym but bruce calmed me down enough to wait for him to finish pull ups and then we left. Back at the apartment I had a full collapse of sanity and composure. Very upset I made the bold statement of “It hasn’t worked and it will never work.”
Basically I was very frustrated cause I had worked so hard and drastically changed my diet all week and seen NO results. I'm not expecting a six pack or even 5 lbs gone but at least a half pound for all the hell i’d put myself through. But obviously it doesn’t happen that fast even if you are working your hardest. Well, 'Upset and Frantic Theresa' did not understand that. It was a very emotional fight between myself and ...well...myself lol. Ended up eatin a pack of peanut butter snack crackers and handful of smores cookies out of spite. Very bad idea and I felt hella guilty afterwards lol I was just angry but after getting the anger out I was able to think rationally and google tips and talk to bruce and yea.. I was pretty dumb.
Obviously the rational side of my brain was not working as I was stuffing smores crackers into my hands before bruce came out of the shower (even as I was doing it I felt ashamed!) but then the rational side of my brain finally started working. A week is no time at all and even though there may not be a clear cut weight loss that can be measured in pounds, there has definitely been progress made that for some reason went right over my head tonight. And yup, I’m writing this the night of, not the morning of like usual. It’s 2:45 am and I am typing this up while bruce is being his LOVELY self asking me what I’m doing every 5 minutes lol (cause I do that to him during the day...cause i’m boooored :/ )
I took a screen shot as proof lol this WAS written monday night!
DISCLAIMER: Anger knows no bounds, it will not be held accountable for spelling or grammar errors. This was written in the throws of anger, therefore.. O WELL
