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| the murder weapon that is killing me as we speak |
I feel sick. Like going-to-throw-up sick. Normally when ppl
say that they are really just exaggerating and just feel stressed etc but I legit
am fighting gag reflex. Haven’t eaten all day except for breakfast smoothie
earlier this morning cause im so nervous I have to present my speech tomorrow. I’m trying to think of ways to calm
my freakin self down. Like wtf? Lol it’s not even that big of a deal. I am
speaking in front of super nice ppl and one of my fave teachers like I know
there is nothing life threatening there. Ugh frustrating.
Read on..... it gets worse lol
Read on..... it gets worse lol
I have practiced about 20 times no exaggerating in the last
2 hours. I have made Bruce look me dead in the eye the whole time, brought out
my props, and tried walking around my living room while speaking. Each time I do
it I mess up a small part, and sometimes recover, but that just makes me worry.
Sometimes when I do presentations I blank. Meaning if I can’t think of what I
have to say I get really stupid with my words and say things like:
“This [product I’m
presenting] is pretty. It’s colorful. Cheap too.” *shaky voice cause im
startled that I forgot*
What I’m
actually supposed to be saying is:
“This product is reasonable priced,
affordable, and our target market will appreciate its appealing packaging.”
After I get startled it’s really hard for me to recover
because then I’ve started talking faster to make up for the time I lost when I
blanked. It happened in my last presentation I did because I didn’t practice cause
my Magic Market Week was coming up and I could either practice speech or
prepare for MMW. I choose MMW and im happy with that choice but still didn’t
help the speech confidence.
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| bruce sitting with my props (the makeup) |
So now it’s almost 9pm and I’m not even wishing for a car to
hit me anymore lol (I was wishing that since I started this class cause then I wouldn’t
have to present! This class has actually taught me not to fear death, there are
much worse things out there) But no, right now I’m wishing to just get it over
with and to hopefully practice enough that my speech is as easy to say as the
pledge of allegiance. I could say
that in front of the class. I’d be a bit nervous cause im ME and so annoyingly freakin
anxious but yes I think I could do that because I know the words by heart.
All this week has been torture since I’ve had in the back of
my head that I’d have to present this long speech. Every happy moment coupled
with the thought “but you have to present Thursday”. I even hung out with
friends this week and could hardly laugh because of it. GRRR.
When I reread this it sounded soooo drawn out almost like
something you’d say, “you’re overreacting, it’s not that bad”. And OH MY GOD I WISH I COULD.
I’m going to practice now. This time I’m moving Bruce to the
other side of the room and taking out my contacts. Maybe if I can’t see them, I
can’t fear them.
